My Dad asked me last night why I carry my 1911 in the house, what am I afraid of? I looked him straight in the eye and said, “The Goddamn Decepticons.” He laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster. It was a good time.
*asks ouija board who unfollowed me*
i love when dogs sigh. its like, hey bud, long day at the office?
"why didn’t you do your homework over the holidays?"
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen
the joker got his scars from trying to put a whole pringle in his mouth at once